‘God is in charge. I simply get to help out.’
Parenting is very difficult and heart wrenching these days, more so than I remember it being years ago. When one of my daughters recently decided to go a direction that is different than what she was taught in our home, one that I am sure will lead to sorrow and regret, it was too difficult for me to just let her go her way. I couldn’t resist trying to reason with her and change her thinking. But the more I tried, it seemed the further away she moved from me. What started as a good, open dialogue between us turned cold. I have been so discouraged and heartbroken. I have cried more tears, lost more sleep and prayed more, for her and because of her, than for all of my other children combined. Nothing I have tried has made a difference in her direction.
Today I was talking to a friend of mine, whom I will call Pete, about a similar situation he had with his daughter. We share common religious beliefs as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. We both serve as ordinance workers in the Payson, Utah Temple, which is where this conversation took place. He and his wife were heartbroken over their daughter’s choice to leave the church and pursue a different lifestyle. While pouring her heart out to her Heavenly Father in prayer, Pete's wife received this answer:
“She is your earthly daughter, but she is my eternal daughter. You gave birth to her, but I created her spirit. I have known her for eternity. There is nothing you can do to change her. Just love her. I’ve got this.”
Hearing this touched me so deeply that I began to weep right in front of Pete. He just smiled as I grabbed a tissue to wipe my eyes. He understood. He has been struggling with this heartache for longer than I have.
Then Pete told me about a conversation he had with another friend (Bill) whose child similarly left the faith to pursue the things of the world. When Bill described his own struggles and said he prayed for help, Pete asked, “So what happened?”
Bill said he received an answer saying, “I’ve got this.” He had not yet heard about Pete's wife's identical answer.
What I have learned from this is that our Heavenly Father is in charge. These young people who struggle with the social pressures and the distractions of the adversary are His children. We have little or no influence in cases like this, and our efforts to change our children will likely be counterproductive. Heavenly Father knows best how to handle the situation. We simply get to help out. Knowing this helps me let go and feel better about it. It actually improves my ability to have a close relationship with my precious girl, which I am grateful for.
